Alone

Hmmm where to start today? I'm a kind of girl where i have alot of friends that love me, and i love them to death as well. They are very protective over me and I love them even more for that, but honestly, ever since I moved back to Michigan I feel more alone than ever.... My mom and little brother who I was finally getting close to moved to Alaska of all places, my dad lives in Kentucky, My mom says I suffer from abandonment issues with my dad well what do u call what she has done? Its bad enough I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, pretty much I'm depressed, and it feels like i will never get better. Who knows when I will see my my mommy or little brother again? I'm going into the military in June and I know I won't get to see them before i leave for boot camp. Not only that, I've been single for like a year now and its starting to get to me. I was always with someone and honestly at first i loved being single, but now I just want to find someone to be happy with, someone i can call mine, someone i can talk to, someone to cuddle with. I think this is all getting to me cause my son's birthday is coming up,  *cries* he would have been three this year on Nov. 17th and my Aunt April will have been gone now for a year on Oct 26th. Even though i have all my friends that love me and are here for me i still feel so alone i hate it soo fucking much, that i am at my breaking point with everything and certain people that i have had thoughts of suicide but i know that im to much of a chicken shit to go through with it so i know it would never happen.... i dont know i just want more, to feel more, to feel like i still have a purpose, but more than anything i dont wanna feel alone anymore....