Losing

Today I feel like I'm constantly losing as to my beliefs, my friends, my family, in general everything I ever could have or want. I remember in high school, I felt like I had everything, I was friends with everyone, they all loved me for me, I had a loving family (to a point.) the world was my playground. God, those were the days lol. But the one thing I had was love, well I thought it was love at least. It seemed we were together forever, and that we would be, but how very wrong I was. I will not mention any names on here. But we were together on and off since we were pretty much kids, I was 14 and he was going on 16 when we first got together, so that's what? 7 years, in those 7 years of on again off again bullshit we were engaged twice, and honestly some people would be like "what the hell Jay?" and telling me that I deserve better than that and whatever, but what people didn't and don't realize is that I really love him, and I always will, he will always have a part of me even if I am with someone else. I'm so confused by him, maybe one day I will finally be able to let go, but it seems that everytime that I do, he pulls me back in. I just don't know what to do anymore?!?!