How Dumb An EX Really Is part one?

Really this post should be about actually all of my ex's lmao. But we will start with the one that has been getting to me lately. See I dated this guy for 7 years on and off, been engaged twice, but obviously I'm not married. See every time I get my life back to normal, as to I have moved on, living my single life and doing me, he comes crashing right back once I get him out of my system. guess what? IT FUCKING SUCKS!!! so anyways, we always end up back together, continue our wedding plans, and then for some fucking unknown reasons he splits. Well the last time this happened was last year and he split 2 weeks before our wedding Dec 14th. so fuck it right whatever, well about ehh about 4 months later what happens? he comes exploding back into my life like a damn bomb!!!! so he plays with my emotions, and my mind and he makes me think that we're gonna get back together, but guess what i find out he got some fuckin girl name Diamond ( yea we're all thinking the same thing with that name)  and he is going to marry her!!! ARE U FUCKING SERIOUS!!! ur gonna marry someone that u barely know???? unlike me I have bent over backwards for him, got into arguments with my family over him, and was ready to leave my old life behind and start a completly new one with him!!!! well you know what, IM DONE WITH THAT FUCKING SHIT  HE CAN KISS MY FAT WHITE MICHIGAN ASS FOR ALL I FUCKIN CARE!!!! if ya'll wanna know who he is go to facebook and look up Matthew Brandon Powell. yea he took his wife's name.  but you know what its all good cause I'm doin me now, FUCK HIM and ALL MY EX'S and if he's reading this which i hope he is FUCK YOU!!! DONT COME BACK IN MY LIFE EVER AGAIN, I DONT CARE IF U DIED I DONT WANT YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE U HAVE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE TO LAST A FUCKING LIFETIME

Alone

Hmmm where to start today? I'm a kind of girl where i have alot of friends that love me, and i love them to death as well. They are very protective over me and I love them even more for that, but honestly, ever since I moved back to Michigan I feel more alone than ever.... My mom and little brother who I was finally getting close to moved to Alaska of all places, my dad lives in Kentucky, My mom says I suffer from abandonment issues with my dad well what do u call what she has done? Its bad enough I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, pretty much I'm depressed, and it feels like i will never get better. Who knows when I will see my my mommy or little brother again? I'm going into the military in June and I know I won't get to see them before i leave for boot camp. Not only that, I've been single for like a year now and its starting to get to me. I was always with someone and honestly at first i loved being single, but now I just want to find someone to be happy with, someone i can call mine, someone i can talk to, someone to cuddle with. I think this is all getting to me cause my son's birthday is coming up,  *cries* he would have been three this year on Nov. 17th and my Aunt April will have been gone now for a year on Oct 26th. Even though i have all my friends that love me and are here for me i still feel so alone i hate it soo fucking much, that i am at my breaking point with everything and certain people that i have had thoughts of suicide but i know that im to much of a chicken shit to go through with it so i know it would never happen.... i dont know i just want more, to feel more, to feel like i still have a purpose, but more than anything i dont wanna feel alone anymore....

Losing

Today I feel like I'm constantly losing as to my beliefs, my friends, my family, in general everything I ever could have or want. I remember in high school, I felt like I had everything, I was friends with everyone, they all loved me for me, I had a loving family (to a point.) the world was my playground. God, those were the days lol. But the one thing I had was love, well I thought it was love at least. It seemed we were together forever, and that we would be, but how very wrong I was. I will not mention any names on here. But we were together on and off since we were pretty much kids, I was 14 and he was going on 16 when we first got together, so that's what? 7 years, in those 7 years of on again off again bullshit we were engaged twice, and honestly some people would be like "what the hell Jay?" and telling me that I deserve better than that and whatever, but what people didn't and don't realize is that I really love him, and I always will, he will always have a part of me even if I am with someone else. I'm so confused by him, maybe one day I will finally be able to let go, but it seems that everytime that I do, he pulls me back in. I just don't know what to do anymore?!?!

Awake

I'm not one to normally complain about my life ok? My life is not perfect but it's not horrible either. I'm alive, I have a place to stay, clothes to wear, and food to eat, oh and to do any other things. But for some odd reason today I realized I honestly can't take it anymore. I'm sitting here and its 3:30 am, and I think back at my life of 21 years and realize I have really nothing to show for it. I'm struggling right now trying to get my ass into the army and neither one of my parents want to help me. My mother is in Alaska with her new boyfriend of the year living it up, My father is in Kentucky trying to pay off almost a 100 grand in child support and continues to stay with his alcoholic wife, but he supposedly loves her, yea right!!! I'm trying to leave for the military in June and neither one is very supportive. Friends have asked why do I hate my parents so much? Hate is a very strong word, and I don't hate my parents necessarily I just don't see why can't they help their only daughter out? and sitting here listening to Skillet (awesome band by the way) see I figured out why neither one will help me. If one of my parents help me then the other gets all pissy and it starts a whole other war with each other. See my parents split in 1997 and in all honesty whether they realize it or not, they use me as ammunition towards the other parent. In '97 I was what? 8 years old? Now that's fucked up. My mom would talk shit about my dad in front of me, and my dad would talk shit about my mother in front of me, this went on for years, finally as i started getting older I asked them to please stop, and it was done, until well my dad quit paying his child support payments. My mother, who I was living with, was constantly asking for information about my father cause she knew I was keeping in touch with him, and because I was consistently being hounded for it I finally broke. Then one morning my fathers girlfriend called my house saying that he was in jail, and it was all my fault, to a point yes it was, but I didn't know when my mother or if my mother was even going to call the cops or not. So of course I yelled at my mom, and asked why she did it, and it was simple "cause he wasn't paying child support" So on his birthday in '09 I walked into the courtroom to see my dad in handcuffs, unfortunately it wasn't the first time. After then I told both my parents and their significant others to shut their fucking mouths about the other parent that I wasn't dealing with it anymore, that I had already gone through enough as it is. All was calm and okay until last Tuesday when my father, his cunt wife, and I came up to Detroit for his sentencing. Oh yea, I moved down there cause my mother took my little brother to move to Alaska and pretty much said "Fuck you, you're not coming with me." Which I was pissed at the time, but now I realized why she said that. Apparently while we were waiting for court, my father's lawyer showed him a letter my mom sent the court which I honestly had no idea about. She wanted my father in jail for 3 months, 192 hours of community service, and for him to stay in Michigan. The judge needless to say pretty much said "yea whatever, she ain't getting what she wants." Well my mother went on to say in said letter that I was going to therapy basically because of my father. NOT TRUE, but that's a different blog. So needless to say my father had a few choice words to say about my mother in front of me. Not only did my father did, my christian very forgiving grandmother did as well went on to say very rude and disrespectful things about my mother. Well that's not very christian like!!! So I'm at the point with both of my parents where after I finish boot camp, and get sent somewhere over seas I'm telling them both "Fuck you both!" and that I will write letters to let them know how I am doing, but until they can learn to tolerate each other, I'm not going to be able to get along with either one of them. I honestly think that's far, I originally wanted to tell them to stay out of my life for good, but they are my parents, and I am their only daughter, and no matter what you have to love your family right?